how to ruin draco
by crocket
Summary: a short un betad one off, contains some bad language and malfoy bashing. fairly sure i never posted this before.


**I do not own Harry Potter only this ideas in this little one off**

Harry smiled as he and Ron proved inbreeding by to much was a bad thing. It had started of quite simply when Draco Malfoy had insulted Ron about his clothes and his lack of funds. While on the Hogwarts express , he also pointed to Harry who was still in his muggle clothes and bad mouthed them. Harry just smiled and pointed out that Malfoy was jealous because he had no fashion sense. Ron looked puzzled but let Harry carry on.

"You see Ron as he has no fashion sense like me and you he tries to cover up his lack of knowledge by being a prat."

Ron just nodded and wondered where the hell Harry was going with this. "well its such a shame a Pureblood with no fashion sense tut tut tut.

Draco was incensed he the role model of a Pureblood being told by two scruffy uncouth uneducated paupers that he was without fashion sense. He would bloody show them.

"how dare you say I have no fashion sense you you " he was to angry to even come up with a vile enough epitaph for them. He failed to see harry wink at Ron.

"really Draco so you think you have style " at this Harry burst out with laughter.

Draco went white with anger no one and he means no one ever insulted his looks. But worse was to come.

"see Ron he is the only gay with no style most have some style his hair looks like his mum used him as a mirror."

At that Ron burst out with laughter.

Hermione not knowing what was going on kept quite for once in her life, she was to confused to say anything, also as it had not yet come to blows she had no real interest in them.

Draco was spluttering actually spluttering with rage white froth flecked his mouth as he tried to curse insult and repute their vile accusations, all at the same time.

In the end it took Crabbe and Goyle giving him a couple of butter beers before he could form a coherent thought.

"if you two have more style and fashion sense than me I will swear to to "

Harry decided to help him out "kiss Snape in the great hall during dinner and tell him in a loud voice you missed his willy to suck on last night"

Draco went from semi calm drunk to furious.

"Or are you so unsure of yourself that you wont win?" Harry baited him

Draco went into what he called his cunning mode "if I win you have to give up your place as seeker."

Harry smiled "okay thats a bit unfair as you only have to do one thing and then it over where you want me to give up something for years"

Harry smiled "how about you have to tell Voldemort that he is a half blood bastard called tom riddle and that he and Snape both have micro cocks and no fashion sense?"

Draco gulped.

"Unless you know I am right and you are a looser inbreed styles tosser" Harry smiled "who only has Crabbe and Goyle behind him all the time as it easier for them when you bend over."

Hermione was about to but in when Draco lost it ""okay you miserable tosser I swear I will if you will give up being a seeker and instead of me kissing Snape you do."

Harry smiled again "no Draco if you loose you have to do that and tell voldy what I told you to. If I loose I will kiss snape and say the same as I asked you and give up being a seeker."

Draco in his anger shouted " I swear I will win this potter just to see you loose more house points than anyone ever from Snape."

Harry smiled and nodded " a wizard oath then agreed "

Draco smiled and nodded no way could he be fashion less.

Harry called in the 3 most fashion conscious girls in the school and asked them a simple question " So girls who is the most fashionable person in Hogwarts? Amongst the males."

They laughed and smiled "why you Harry everyone knows that. You even have got Pureblood's to follow you in the grunge look. In witch weekly this week you was voted the most fashionable wizard of our age. Even muggles seem to follow your fashion. Grunge is in along with the bad boy image and from what we heard you have the biggest bad boy image in all Surrey. Pop stars and that are going grunge and the windswept bad boy hair is being worn by most wizarding bands. Even heard you were giving fashion tips to the weird sisters."

Draco went white as he snatched the fashion magazine from them even Ron Weasly was rated higher than him. He did what any sensible person would do he feinted.

Ron looked at Harry in wonder. He never saw him give Luna the thumbs up.

Draco when he came round refused to believe it and immediately went looking for more proof against Harry. Sadly to many students knew of the grunge look and how it was high fashion at the moment.

Harry smiled and said to Ron "I think I can smell a ferret crapping himself."

Ron burst out with laughter

Hermione was about to protest their language when a defeated looking Draco came into their lives again.

"How, how is it possible. The angst look the grunge look the hero look you you no" and Draco broke down and started to cry. Sadly no one took pity on him.

The sorting feast was over when all of a sudden Draco felt his magic force him to stand he looked round and pleaded with Crabbe and Golye to stun him, his own magic stopped them. He went slowly but surely up to his head of house and before anyone could say anything gave his head of house a great big French kiss. Before anyone could get their bottom jaws off the floor Draco announced his love and stated how he missed Snape's willy in his mouth last night.

To say the hall was shocked would be an understatement.

Harry, Ron and even Hermione burst out laughing. Well 95% of the school was laughing the rest were either in shock or were involved.

"Shame we didn't do that brother of mine" stated Fred to George . "I wonder how and what they did to the little tosser"

Madam Umbridge the new defence teacher just kept opening and shutting her mouth then feinted.

Draco wished he could just die but it seemed magic wouldn't allow him. Snape was shocked and ready to kill as his godson started to walk away from him and out the hall. When he got over the shock he screamed out "Malfoy where the hell do you think you are going?"

"to tell Voldemort that he is a half blood bastard named Tom Riddle and that he has no fashion sense" and then his magic dragged him out the hall and forced apparated him to Voldemort's chamber as soon as it was able to.

When Voldemort saw Draco Malfoy turn up he was most puzzled his top Deatheater's looked on puzzled Lucius looked at his son and wondered two things how the hell he got here and what the hell he was doing here.

Draco took a deep breath and looked at the most feared dark lord ever and spoke " you are a filthy half blood bastard named Tom Riddle and you have no fashion sense"

the Deatheater's and the dark lord looked at Draco in shock and horror then the dark lord spoke " no fashion sense no fashion sense , who the hell are you to tell me I have no fashion sense even Ron Weasley beat you in the fashion pages of witch weekly."

At this several Deatheater's wondered why the dark lord read fashion pages in witch weekly.

Some of the faster Deatheater's noticed he was more angry about his fashion than being called a half blood or Tom Riddle.

Draco was shocked the dark Lord didn't mind being called Tom Riddle a Half blood. Deciding that yes inbreeding is a bad idea he spoke up. "My lord what about the Tom Riddle statement."

The dark lord was to pissed to think what he was saying "yes I went by the name Tom Riddle while at hogwarts now lets decide your punishment... crucio crucio and I think yes crucio" Draco screamed himself horse but The dark lord was so pissed he forgot one major thing.

Many years ago all his older D.E knew him as Tom and he had to Obliviate that memory so they only knew him as Voldemort, He had wanted to rub their faces in it when he ruled the magical world or if not after he had destroyed their society. So he had put a simple password type spell over their memories to show them the truth so he could laugh at them. The dark mark made it so they couldn't rebel against him without him stripping them of their magic.

As the loyal D'E got their memories back including Tom Riddle gloating they felt sick.

Malfoy senior came up with a plan several hours later as the dark lord rested after his torture of Draco.

"I was given a book with t,m,riddle the dark lord asked me to make sure it remained hidden. After a little effort I found it to be a Horcrux. " Bella looked up ""I have Hufflepuff cup in my vault...it might be the same. Soon it became apparent that several of them had hid things for the dark lord. Things that Malfoy Snr. told them Harry Potter could destroy.

3 days later Harry got a very strange parcel in it was a ring,a destroyed diary he recognised, a cup, a locket, a women's thing to hold her hair up. He had no idea what it was called . And a note saying that some blood or what ever would have some very serious effects on these items as long as it was his. Harry had no idea what the hell the items were but he thought what the hell so later he splashed a little of his blood on all the items. He was shocked to see ghost like imageries leave them and they all reminded him of a certain wraith that left Quirrell's head.

Voldemort was still pissed and decided to annoy Potter so he made his plans and sent him images of him torturing muggles at the shrieking shack. He doubted Potter would come or anything but it made him feel better.

Potter was not thinking as he ran ducked under the womping willow and hit the knock of stump. Before running head long to the shrieking shack. Voldemort was rather surprised when Potters head came from no where and met his own. If he had a nose it would have been broken.

Potter could not believe the dark lord was looking down the tunnel as his head came out. What followed was very embarrassing first Harry decided to take all his anger out on Voldemort by repeatedly kicking him in-between his legs then he decided that as Umbridge kept calling him a liar he would drag the bastard back to Hogwarts. Only after he gave him a few more kick s and a bloody good set of reducto curses to the tossers arms and legs.

He completely forgot about the muggles he was supposed to be rescuing. As he got to the castle he made sure everyone heard him. When Umbridge saw what she could only guess was the resurrected Dark lord she peed her knickers and feinted. Several people screamed and others just stared in shock. Snape decided Potter baiting might not be to good a sport if the dark lord was anything to go by.

It was less than 2 hours latter a ex minister of magic an ex under-secretary of magic was carted of to Azkaban. Dosing Voldemort with Veritaserum proved Sirius was innocent and Peter was guilty also a lot of other crimes and D,E came to light. Then to end it all harry just walked up to the most feared man in the castle and in front of the press who had maligned him he reached into the sorting hat pulled out Gryffindor's sword and simply chopped Tom Riddles head of. Turned to the press and with a sick smile on his face stated.

"So anyone else want bad mouth me? Anyone else want to start lies about me? Any one want to print a full apologize and offer me a large amount of gold as compensation? Or would you all like me to I don't know clean house?"

It was amazing what having a dead dark lords head in one hand and the ancient mythical sword of Gryffindor in the other can do.

not betad and pretty sure I haven't posted this before


End file.
